just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
