She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.