I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
