How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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