I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
