no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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