Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
