Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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