Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize