One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
