I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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