There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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