I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
