No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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