I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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