i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
