Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The best revenge is premature balding
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
