the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
