so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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