Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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