Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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