I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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