dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
