dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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