Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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