I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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