The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
