Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
