sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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