tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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