I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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