His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
