it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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