nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
