i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
