i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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