I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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