Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
