She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
