I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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