Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
