bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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