the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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