Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
