Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
