shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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