Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
