Non-Jews are for practice
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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