he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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