Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
