it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
