When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
