He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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