Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
