When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
