sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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