You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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