Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
