i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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