i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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