It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
