Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
