You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
