end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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