It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
