We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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