I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
