I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
