I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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