last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
