i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
