my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
