Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
