Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
