she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
