all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
