This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
