I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
