I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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