You're a womanizer and a bitch.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
